Overdue Update

I have been slacking with my posts guys and I am so sorry! So much has gone on and I hope I can keep it all straight for you. 

First, we got through all of the injections and medications pretty much without a hitch. I only suffered two bruises (one courtesy of my husband and another thanks to a newbie phlebotomist) and minimal mood swings. I definitely started to feel like a pin cushion because they needed us to go for blood draws every week and ultrasounds almost every time to keep track of the egg production. 

After a few weeks of medications we did go in for an egg retrieval at Baystate. I deal with IV sedation patients at my job fairly regularly and it is definitely different on the other side of things, I have a whole new appreciation for patients stress when they come in now! I've never been sedated and was very nervous about it. But the nurses and doctors were all super nice and informative (plus I told the anesthesiologist that I'm friends with his colleague so he better be on point!) and they made me feel more comfortable. The whole thing from walking in to walking out took a few hours. In addition to their typical "route of retrieval" let's call it, they had to inject a needle into my abdomen to access one of my ovaries so needless to say, I was sore for a couple days. They were able to retrieve over twenty eggs from my ovaries, which is a great result! Fertilizing the eggs took about a week and the lab called us with updates every few days. Ultimately we were able to freeze a dozen embryos so it was definitely a success!

In the midst of all the injections, we held a benefit to help us raise funds to offset the costs associated with IVF. Baby Saint Car Show was a very humbling experience, so many of our friends and family came out to show support. People donated food, raffle prizes, trophies for the car show, all of the fellas who brought their cars to be a part of the car show and our wonderful face painter who donated her time and talent. 

Some cars from the show, our trophies and our lovely face painter

Thank you to everyone who helped organize the event, thank you to everyone who helped set up and break down the room, thank you to everyone who donated raffle prizes and food, thank you to everyone who helped sell tickets, thank you to everyone who bought tickets, thank you to everyone who came to the benefit, thank you to everyone who asked if we needed anything, thank you to everyone who asked how the night went. Eric and I were and continue to be overcome with gratitude and appreciation and we will never be able to thank you enough.

Thank you to all the raffle prize donors!

Thank you to all of our cooks!

Things have slowed down but our journey is far from over. In a perfect world, Baby Saint will be here by 2017 but don't count the chickens yet! The superstitious Italian in me does not want to get excited until there is a little baby in a belly, but I'm so happy with how things have gone so far and remain positive and hopeful for the future.

As always, I thank you for your support and your love, it is more meaningful to me then I could ever express and it really makes this whole journey that much easier to navigate through.

Ready, Set, Go!

Ok guys! It's about to get real! We have officially started the IVF stage of our journey. We've been doing all of the necessary beginning steps (doctors appointments, blood work, tracking vitals, all that fun stuff) for the last few months but now it's really getting going and I am so excited!
We met with the IVF coordinating nurse, Kathy, about a week ago. She went over all the information we were curious about, and I mean ALL of it. She answered all of our questions, she told us basically what this is all going to cost (yikes!) and she gave us a calendar for our IVF medication regiment. Today we received my medications and will be starting the first stage....wait for it....tomorrow! Now, don't get too excited guys because this is still a long process. I'll be on these first medications for about a week and then will go in for a "baseline" ultrasound. After the ultrasound they will determine if and when we begin the second stage of meds and at some point in there I will be going in for labs. THEN, a week or two from that point, I will go in for an egg retrieval and from there they will be attempting to fertilize my eggs. The embryos will be frozen and in about six months, we will hopefully implant them into a carrier.

Look at all these meds!

I'm so nervous to start these medications. I barely ever like to take medicine when I have a head cold but that is certainly something that I will have to get over and quickly! We will see how it goes tomorrow night when Eric has to "stick" me....

Six months seems like forever but there is still so much more that needs to be done before we can get Baby Saint on their way to us. Both Eric and I, as well as our carrier, will need to go through psychological evaluations, we all will need to handle the legal issues associated with the experience. Speaking of legal, another thing we learned from Kathy is that in the state of Massachusetts, regardless of biology, the woman who gives birth to the child is legally the mother. WHAT! So yes, legal is necessary! She doesn't want another baby and we want ours! Our carrier will also have to undergo her own medication regiment in order to prepare her body for the implantation. So when all is said and done, six months isn't too bad. At least that's what I keep telling myself!

As always, I thank you guys for following our journey and offering your love and support. It has been so humbling and never ceases to warm my heart. Please continue to follow as we take our baby steps.

More Answers, More Questions

Does anyone else ever notice that when you get more information, it often leads to more questions? This has definitely been an issue for me on this journey to motherhood. There are endless questions swirling around my head at any given moment about this whole experience.

My husband and I recently went to a course that is required before you begin the IVF process. It was a one-night class that is pretty much an information overload class of the IVF process from start to finish. Science has never been my strong suit, and there was A LOT of science in this class. But we definitely received a lot of valuable information. I feel I have a better understanding of what the actual science behind IVF is, but don't ask me to explain it to you!

After the class we scheduled an appointment with our doctor, Dr. Lynch, and before that appointment, we made a long list of questions. Working with Dr. Lynch so far has been a phenomenal experience. She has a very calming and encouraging effect on me, which is clearly something I need! So we asked her all of our questions and we got answers to all of them. We have signed consents to begin the process (yay!) and she has given us the name of the IVF coordinating registered nurse that we will call to move on to the next step, and answer more questions. From what I understand, after we speak with the RN, she will assign our (my) medication regiment to help stimulate my egg production. She will also answer more questions that we have with regards to our gestational carrier and questions we have about insurance coverage

My most burning questions, which no one seems to be able to give a straight answer to, is how long this whole process takes before there's a baby in somebody's oven! I hear about how long the process is but "long" is a little vague for me. I need a checklist and a timeline and a step-by-step instruction sheet on how to get Baby Saint home to us! Patience has never been my strong suit...

What questions do you all have about this process? What would be your first question to the doctor? It seems like questions only lead to more questions and it's all very complicated and confusing. Surprisingly, I don't find myself getting overwhelmed too often yet. Sure, sometimes it's exhausting just to think about all the work we have to do just to become a family of three, but most of the time, I just want to get it all started. But I guess we already have done that! So I just want to know what to do next! And then what after that?  When will I feel like the ball is rolling? When I'm taking my medication? When they retrieve my eggs? When our carrier is pregnant?

The more answers we get, the more questions we have. But we keep asking and we keep moving forward because our family isn't whole yet, but it will be.

Thank You

I'm terrible at thanking people for sentimental gestures. I am awful at expressing my feelings when it comes to vulnerability, if I'm angry or happy, you'll know it no problem. But if I'm touched by a persons actions, I have a hard time putting that into words. I don't know why but I think I've always been like that. 

That's why this particular blog was important for me to write. The donations that have been made to our Baby Saint Fund, whether it has been friends hosting online parties and donating a portion of the sales, friends and family members sending us donations in the mail or everyone who has donated on our GoFundMe page that our close friend so kindly created, all of these donations have been received with love and appreciation and we are truly humbled. The fact that people have taken it upon themselves to be involved in our journey and do everything in their power to help us reach our goal, there are not enough words to thank you all and to thank you properly. 

Hopefully you feel our gratitude though us sharing our journey. Letting you know what we're going through and how we're feeling. Even though it's not always going to be easy, it's not always going to be pretty, I promise to always share honestly.

With that in mind, we are hopefully setting things in motion to begin our IVF process, more than just talking and planning. We have an appointment with our doctor to sign consents and we have a LONG list of questions for her.  Every time we go to the doctor, all of our questions go out of our heads, so we're making a list! We're doing some bloodwork and other analysis tests. We attended an IVF overview class that I'll tell you all about in a separate blog. Other than that, I'm not sure how things will progress, but as soon as I find out, so will you!

The financial responsibilities that come along with IVF belong to no one but my husband and I. That being said, to all of you who have donated and supported us, and who continue to support us, please know that when we finally (finally!) become a family of three, Baby Saint will know that before they even existed, they were loved and they were cherished. 

Thank you, as always, for following along our journey. ❤️

Never Lose Sight of Your Victory

Do you have a hero? 

We all have a hero, don't we? Whether it's a fictional character like Superman or Batman. Or if it's a historical figure like Dr. King or Mother Teresa. Someone that we idolize from a distance and connect with on a level we don't understand sometimes. Someone whose memory and story drives us to persevere. 

I was lucky enough to know my hero. To not only watch him grow up but to grow up with him. To see him turn from a short, outspoken middle schooler to a kind, responsible, loving, strong (and very tall) man, husband and father. 

My hero fought a battle that many would have quickly lost. One which many would have allowed to swallow them up into despair. But my hero never faltered. His strength, his faith in God and himself, never faltered. 

I'm blessed to be able to call my hero my friend as well. Not a best friend, but a constant and true friend. 

One year ago today, my hero became my angel. Whenever I want to feel sorry for myself, whenever I want to give up on myself, I remember him. I remember how he never felt sorry for himself. His bravery. His capacity to love and forgive. I regret not sharing my story sooner because I truly would love to hear what his thoughts are on our journey. But he is with me, I carry him with my every day. He has inspired me to be a better and stronger person. I am forever indebted to him for that. 

I miss you Colb, I promise to never lose sight of my victory.  💙💛💙

Lean On E

How do people get through the hard times? Through heartbreak, through stress, through any trial or tribulation? I get through those things with support from the people that I love. So my post today is about one person who stands beside me through it all, the good, the bad and the ugly. My husband. 

As a woman, knowing that I'm unable to become pregnant is devastating to say the least. I question why my body has failed me, does this make me less of a woman. I feel shame, sadness and so many other emotions. But my husband remains beside me, never judging me, never making me feel anything less than exactly what he wants. 

Eric has known that I would never be pregnant since before we started dating. He was, and still is (!), my best friend. I trusted him and I wanted his honest answer, which he always gives me. I asked him if he would ever be with someone who couldn't have kids. He answered yes without hesitation. Did we know then that we were talking about our future selves? I don't know, maybe somewhere deep in our subconscious we knew that we would be together for the long haul.

If you know Eric, you know he's about as laid back as they come. Not much phases him, not much upsets him, but he is passionate and he is honest. He loves with his head and his heart. He wants to fix everything, sometimes when I'm in my feelings about our situation, he wants to fix it because he hates seeing me upset. He doesn't understand that just listening and loving me, that's all the fixing I need. 

Most times, people just need you to be there, to sit next to them and tell them you love them and that you're here for whatever they need. 

As far as our journey, hopefully we will have more to share soon! Next step is an overview/informational class on the IVF process and we're hoping to attend that within the next couple weeks! Then some lab work and fun stuff like that. Please continue to read and continue to share, you never know who can relate to our story!