FAQs

Now that the news of our pregnancy and the identity of our carrier are out in the open, I thought this would be a good opportunity to answer some of the most asked questions Eric and I have gotten. I'll be addressing what seem to be the five most popular questions but feel free to continue asking more as they come to you! Lots of people have asked these same questions and believe me, none of them are silly questions! A couple of them are questions we had ourselves! Anyway, here goes!

Did you know it was going to be twins? 

The short answer is, yes. After a lot of discussion and education Eric and I, along with Laura and her family, decided to transfer two embryos. There was a chance that only one, or neither for that matter, would take. However, a healthy uterus and strong embryos gave us twins! So we realized the possibility of twins was high but we had no way of knowing for certain we would have twins. But it wasn't a total shock at all! 

Will the twins be identical?

Nope! Two seperately embryos were implanted so they will definitely be fraternal! This eases my mind, I was worried about the chance of mixing them up! 

Is your carrier a close friend?

Prior to us beginning this process, Laura and I were friendly coworkers, not much more than that. Throughout this process we have developed a genuine and strong friendship. We are in contact daily, either by phone or text, and I hope as well as expect for our friendship to continue and thrive. My husband and I really enjoy spending time with Laura and Rob and get together as much as we can! It doesn't hurt that they love the same NFL team as Eric! 

Are you finding out the genders?

Absolutely! We had an ultrasound last week where each baby was evaluated fully and both of the babies were fully cooperative. We are having a gender reveal party in a couple weeks so we still won't know until then, the suspense is nearly killing me! 

Are you excited?

Yes. And terrified. But mostly excited!! I think we will benefit from having twins as our first children, we don't know any different! The lack of sleep is daunting to me and all the equipment you need is overwhelming. Our sweet little home seems to be getting smaller as the due date creeps closer! But I'm lucky enough to have a loving husband and an extremely supportive family that we can lean on when we need to. 

Hope this answered some questions for everybody. Like I said, let us know if any other questions come to you, we're happy to do the best we can to answer them. Thanks, as always, for your support!  

Ours Buns, Her Oven

Sixteen weeks! We are sixteen weeks into our pregnancy! Four months! According to Google, that means the twins are the size of avocados now! Sometimes I really can't believe this is actually happening.

Sixteen weeks seems like the right time to introduce all of you to our amazing carrier. A lot of you have already had the pleasure of meeting her but for those of you who haven't, let me tell you a little bit about this wonderful woman. 

Laura is a mother of two girls married to her husband, Rob, of almost ten years. Before joining our journey she and I were not close friends but have been fortunate enough that our families have become family. She's never been a carrier for anyone before but she saw our need and selflessly offered to help us and her husband has shown unwavering support for her decision. Her two girls seem to understand what's going on, as much as a four- and eight-year-old can, and have been very loving to both Eric and I, as well as the belly!
Prior to finding our carrier, I always thought I would feel more conflicted if she was someone I saw frequently, that I would maybe feel jealous or bitter. I thought I would be more comfortable with someone I didn't have to see grow and bond with our children. Now that I'm in a situation where my carrier is someone I talk to daily and see several times a month, I wouldn't want it any other way. It certainly has bittersweet moments but it's definitely more sweet than bitter and I would probably feel a lot more anxiety about the situation if I was completely separated from the woman carrying our babies.
Eric and I hope to continuing build our friendships with our carrier and her family. Our intention is to have them as much a part of the twins (twins!!) lives as they are comfortable with. I can't imagine going through all of this with someone and then never seeing them again, or having them never see the babies again. Luckily, I don't think that is what any of us wants.
We recently went camping with Laura and Rob and their girls along with my sister and brother-in-law. If anything will tell you whether or not you get along with someone, living in a camper for a long weekend will! Fortunately the weekend was filled with good times, and lots of belly rubs!
Thank you all, as always, for your continued love and support throughout this experience. I'm looking forward to sharing many more stories with you all!
 

Party of Four

Hello Friends! It's been a long time since I've written a blog and I apologize for the lapse. A lot has gone on in our journey and we were waiting for the right time to share with all of you that all of our struggle and prayers have paid off. Our family of two will grow to a family of four early next year via our gestational carrier, Eric and I are expecting TWINS!!!
We have made it safely through our first trimester and are beyond thrilled to be able to share it with all of you amazing people who have been there with support, encouragement and love throughout this long and emotional journey.
I look forward to telling you all more about it and about our beautiful carrier and her amazing family. More to come very soon!
Thank you again so much for all of your support, it has helped Eric and I through the tough times of this experience and keep in perspective that everything we go through is worth it.

Hey, Soul Sister

Closer and closer we approach our ultimate goal on our journey to parenthood! Eric and I have our gestational carrier, she and her husband are very graciously on board to help us bring Baby Saint home and have blessed us with their sacrifice and the gift of carrying Baby Saint.
If only it was as easy as, we found her, let's get her pregnant! But, unfortunately, it's not that easy. Although, ultimately "unfortunately" probably isn't the right word. We had to complete several different steps, both together and separately, to be certain that everyone is on the same page and that we are all mentally and emotionally as prepared as we can be.
One of those steps was completed today. Psychological evaluations/consultations. Eric and I met with Dr. Crone together, our carrier and her husband met with her together and today, all four of us met with her. The goal of these appointments is to make sure that we are all on the page about different issues that may or may not come up during the pregnancy. Emotional issues, medical issues, legal issues, you name it! Thankfully, we were all pretty much on the same page with almost everything. Next step, meeting with lawyers and drawing up a contract to protect everybody involved. We anticipate that to be the easiest part ;-)
I've never been someone who is skilled or comfortable with expressing her vulnerable emotions. It doesn't come naturally to me and even though my husband has helped me to improve on this, it's still an area that I struggle in. But it's important that our carrier and her husband know how much love and gratitude Eric and I have for them. It's easy for our loved ones who meet her to get excited at the idea of her carrying Baby Saint and love on her but it's important to me that the husbands not get lost in this. Our carriers husband is just as valuable and generous and amazing as she is and his support has been unwavering and humbling.
The friendship between the four of us grows every day and everyone might not agree with me, which is fine, but I believe God put me on a path that put this beautiful woman and her wonderful husband in my life. And I thank them, Eric and I both thank them, for all that they have already done and all that they are willing to do for us.
Right now we are respecting her privacy, which is my idea more than hers, so I won't name names just yet but some of you have had the pleasure of meeting her. Once our chickens have hatched, we will count them! Currently there's nothing to tell but once there is, our world will be introduced to the woman who is changing our lives and her husband who is supporting her and us every step of the way.

Overdue Update

I have been slacking with my posts guys and I am so sorry! So much has gone on and I hope I can keep it all straight for you. 

First, we got through all of the injections and medications pretty much without a hitch. I only suffered two bruises (one courtesy of my husband and another thanks to a newbie phlebotomist) and minimal mood swings. I definitely started to feel like a pin cushion because they needed us to go for blood draws every week and ultrasounds almost every time to keep track of the egg production. 

After a few weeks of medications we did go in for an egg retrieval at Baystate. I deal with IV sedation patients at my job fairly regularly and it is definitely different on the other side of things, I have a whole new appreciation for patients stress when they come in now! I've never been sedated and was very nervous about it. But the nurses and doctors were all super nice and informative (plus I told the anesthesiologist that I'm friends with his colleague so he better be on point!) and they made me feel more comfortable. The whole thing from walking in to walking out took a few hours. In addition to their typical "route of retrieval" let's call it, they had to inject a needle into my abdomen to access one of my ovaries so needless to say, I was sore for a couple days. They were able to retrieve over twenty eggs from my ovaries, which is a great result! Fertilizing the eggs took about a week and the lab called us with updates every few days. Ultimately we were able to freeze a dozen embryos so it was definitely a success!

In the midst of all the injections, we held a benefit to help us raise funds to offset the costs associated with IVF. Baby Saint Car Show was a very humbling experience, so many of our friends and family came out to show support. People donated food, raffle prizes, trophies for the car show, all of the fellas who brought their cars to be a part of the car show and our wonderful face painter who donated her time and talent. 

Some cars from the show, our trophies and our lovely face painter

Thank you to everyone who helped organize the event, thank you to everyone who helped set up and break down the room, thank you to everyone who donated raffle prizes and food, thank you to everyone who helped sell tickets, thank you to everyone who bought tickets, thank you to everyone who came to the benefit, thank you to everyone who asked if we needed anything, thank you to everyone who asked how the night went. Eric and I were and continue to be overcome with gratitude and appreciation and we will never be able to thank you enough.

Thank you to all the raffle prize donors!

Thank you to all of our cooks!

Things have slowed down but our journey is far from over. In a perfect world, Baby Saint will be here by 2017 but don't count the chickens yet! The superstitious Italian in me does not want to get excited until there is a little baby in a belly, but I'm so happy with how things have gone so far and remain positive and hopeful for the future.

As always, I thank you for your support and your love, it is more meaningful to me then I could ever express and it really makes this whole journey that much easier to navigate through.

Ready, Set, Go!

Ok guys! It's about to get real! We have officially started the IVF stage of our journey. We've been doing all of the necessary beginning steps (doctors appointments, blood work, tracking vitals, all that fun stuff) for the last few months but now it's really getting going and I am so excited!
We met with the IVF coordinating nurse, Kathy, about a week ago. She went over all the information we were curious about, and I mean ALL of it. She answered all of our questions, she told us basically what this is all going to cost (yikes!) and she gave us a calendar for our IVF medication regiment. Today we received my medications and will be starting the first stage....wait for it....tomorrow! Now, don't get too excited guys because this is still a long process. I'll be on these first medications for about a week and then will go in for a "baseline" ultrasound. After the ultrasound they will determine if and when we begin the second stage of meds and at some point in there I will be going in for labs. THEN, a week or two from that point, I will go in for an egg retrieval and from there they will be attempting to fertilize my eggs. The embryos will be frozen and in about six months, we will hopefully implant them into a carrier.

Look at all these meds!

I'm so nervous to start these medications. I barely ever like to take medicine when I have a head cold but that is certainly something that I will have to get over and quickly! We will see how it goes tomorrow night when Eric has to "stick" me....

Six months seems like forever but there is still so much more that needs to be done before we can get Baby Saint on their way to us. Both Eric and I, as well as our carrier, will need to go through psychological evaluations, we all will need to handle the legal issues associated with the experience. Speaking of legal, another thing we learned from Kathy is that in the state of Massachusetts, regardless of biology, the woman who gives birth to the child is legally the mother. WHAT! So yes, legal is necessary! She doesn't want another baby and we want ours! Our carrier will also have to undergo her own medication regiment in order to prepare her body for the implantation. So when all is said and done, six months isn't too bad. At least that's what I keep telling myself!

As always, I thank you guys for following our journey and offering your love and support. It has been so humbling and never ceases to warm my heart. Please continue to follow as we take our baby steps.

More Answers, More Questions

Does anyone else ever notice that when you get more information, it often leads to more questions? This has definitely been an issue for me on this journey to motherhood. There are endless questions swirling around my head at any given moment about this whole experience.

My husband and I recently went to a course that is required before you begin the IVF process. It was a one-night class that is pretty much an information overload class of the IVF process from start to finish. Science has never been my strong suit, and there was A LOT of science in this class. But we definitely received a lot of valuable information. I feel I have a better understanding of what the actual science behind IVF is, but don't ask me to explain it to you!

After the class we scheduled an appointment with our doctor, Dr. Lynch, and before that appointment, we made a long list of questions. Working with Dr. Lynch so far has been a phenomenal experience. She has a very calming and encouraging effect on me, which is clearly something I need! So we asked her all of our questions and we got answers to all of them. We have signed consents to begin the process (yay!) and she has given us the name of the IVF coordinating registered nurse that we will call to move on to the next step, and answer more questions. From what I understand, after we speak with the RN, she will assign our (my) medication regiment to help stimulate my egg production. She will also answer more questions that we have with regards to our gestational carrier and questions we have about insurance coverage

My most burning questions, which no one seems to be able to give a straight answer to, is how long this whole process takes before there's a baby in somebody's oven! I hear about how long the process is but "long" is a little vague for me. I need a checklist and a timeline and a step-by-step instruction sheet on how to get Baby Saint home to us! Patience has never been my strong suit...

What questions do you all have about this process? What would be your first question to the doctor? It seems like questions only lead to more questions and it's all very complicated and confusing. Surprisingly, I don't find myself getting overwhelmed too often yet. Sure, sometimes it's exhausting just to think about all the work we have to do just to become a family of three, but most of the time, I just want to get it all started. But I guess we already have done that! So I just want to know what to do next! And then what after that?  When will I feel like the ball is rolling? When I'm taking my medication? When they retrieve my eggs? When our carrier is pregnant?

The more answers we get, the more questions we have. But we keep asking and we keep moving forward because our family isn't whole yet, but it will be.

Thank You

I'm terrible at thanking people for sentimental gestures. I am awful at expressing my feelings when it comes to vulnerability, if I'm angry or happy, you'll know it no problem. But if I'm touched by a persons actions, I have a hard time putting that into words. I don't know why but I think I've always been like that. 

That's why this particular blog was important for me to write. The donations that have been made to our Baby Saint Fund, whether it has been friends hosting online parties and donating a portion of the sales, friends and family members sending us donations in the mail or everyone who has donated on our GoFundMe page that our close friend so kindly created, all of these donations have been received with love and appreciation and we are truly humbled. The fact that people have taken it upon themselves to be involved in our journey and do everything in their power to help us reach our goal, there are not enough words to thank you all and to thank you properly. 

Hopefully you feel our gratitude though us sharing our journey. Letting you know what we're going through and how we're feeling. Even though it's not always going to be easy, it's not always going to be pretty, I promise to always share honestly.

With that in mind, we are hopefully setting things in motion to begin our IVF process, more than just talking and planning. We have an appointment with our doctor to sign consents and we have a LONG list of questions for her.  Every time we go to the doctor, all of our questions go out of our heads, so we're making a list! We're doing some bloodwork and other analysis tests. We attended an IVF overview class that I'll tell you all about in a separate blog. Other than that, I'm not sure how things will progress, but as soon as I find out, so will you!

The financial responsibilities that come along with IVF belong to no one but my husband and I. That being said, to all of you who have donated and supported us, and who continue to support us, please know that when we finally (finally!) become a family of three, Baby Saint will know that before they even existed, they were loved and they were cherished. 

Thank you, as always, for following along our journey. ❤️

Lean On E

How do people get through the hard times? Through heartbreak, through stress, through any trial or tribulation? I get through those things with support from the people that I love. So my post today is about one person who stands beside me through it all, the good, the bad and the ugly. My husband. 

As a woman, knowing that I'm unable to become pregnant is devastating to say the least. I question why my body has failed me, does this make me less of a woman. I feel shame, sadness and so many other emotions. But my husband remains beside me, never judging me, never making me feel anything less than exactly what he wants. 

Eric has known that I would never be pregnant since before we started dating. He was, and still is (!), my best friend. I trusted him and I wanted his honest answer, which he always gives me. I asked him if he would ever be with someone who couldn't have kids. He answered yes without hesitation. Did we know then that we were talking about our future selves? I don't know, maybe somewhere deep in our subconscious we knew that we would be together for the long haul.

If you know Eric, you know he's about as laid back as they come. Not much phases him, not much upsets him, but he is passionate and he is honest. He loves with his head and his heart. He wants to fix everything, sometimes when I'm in my feelings about our situation, he wants to fix it because he hates seeing me upset. He doesn't understand that just listening and loving me, that's all the fixing I need. 

Most times, people just need you to be there, to sit next to them and tell them you love them and that you're here for whatever they need. 

As far as our journey, hopefully we will have more to share soon! Next step is an overview/informational class on the IVF process and we're hoping to attend that within the next couple weeks! Then some lab work and fun stuff like that. Please continue to read and continue to share, you never know who can relate to our story!

Say What?

When you first learn that someone you know struggles with infertility, what do you say?

I've realize that no one has any idea what to say! And that's ok! I am a woman who struggles with infertility and I have no idea what you should say.

Some people are good when it comes to knowing what to say in awkward moments or situations. Personally, I'm not usually that type of person. Since sharing my journey with the world, I have heard and read many words of support and encouragement. But it has also struck me that sometimes, when people don't know what to say, they sometimes say the wrong thing. Understandable but it gave me the idea to come up with a few DO's and DON'Ts to help people who may encounter a friend or family member struggling with infertility. Keep in mind, I've heard all of these things and none of them offend me, I sympathize with the fact that people are at a loss sometimes. Also keep in mind, if you read something you've said to me, you are one of many so this is not meant to guilt trip anyone. 

DO offer support. This is invaluable, whatever way you're comfortable supporting your loved one, a text, a phone call, a short conversation, a long conversation, I can tell you it means the absolute world to know that people are rooting for you and your dream. Support is necessary and appreciated in any capacity that it is given.

DO ask how you can help. Some people are too proud to take the help and some people are itching for the offer, but it is always uplifting to know that people want to help.

DO research online. Find out more information! Google is your friend, the information is out there and we need to be educated, infertility effects so many women but is so rarely discussed and because of that has become a taboo topic, we're changing that right now, you and me.

DON'T tell her she's "lucky." No morning sickness, no labor pains, no pregnancy complications. I can't tell you how many people have said this to me, and it's fine, I get it, what else can you say? But we're not lucky, we're devastated, we're heartbroken. Do you know what I would give to have morning sickness, to know the pain of labor? Maybe people think that it's easy for me to say that because I've never been through it. But as a woman who wants children, and not all women do, to have that option be unavailable to you, you ache to feel these things.   

DON'T tell her that doctors aren't always right. Yes, some women have been told they will never carry a child, and then miraculously get pregnant, but every fertility issue is different. My situation is definitive, my body is unable to carry a child. So hearing that only reminds us of our struggle. You never know what someone is going through or what their circumstances are, and having people tell you "don't give up" is frustrating. I haven't given up, I am realistic about my situation and my options.

DON'T tell her about your sisters friends husbands mother who struggled with infertility too. Unless you have struggled with fertility issues yourself, you can't relate. Watching someone close to you go through it and you personally going through it are vastly different. I love seeing my friends and family grow their families, it doesn't make me sad, it doesn't make me bitter, but don't try to relate to my struggle if you can't, that's okay!

At the end of the day, people are going to say what they're going to say, and ultimately we appreciate the intent behind it. Remember the DO's and don't stress the DON'Ts because at the end of the day, your support is all we need, all we want and all we can be is grateful and blessed to have it.

If you'd like to show Eric and I some support, our good friend has set up a GoFundMe account to help us raise funds to offset the costs of the IVF and gestational carrier. GoFundMe is a great way to raise funds, it's easy and safe! You can click HERE to check it out and donate if you're able.

Hopefully we will have more news and progress to share with you after the holidays. Until then, Happy New Year and thanks for reading!

With a Little Help from My Friends

Opening up to people can be one of the scariest things you will encounter. When you open your heart and your vulnerabilities up to people, you never know what you'll be given in return. Will people judge me? Will they think differently of me? Will they feel bad for me? I don't want any of these things!

What I have been given in this short time is love, compassion, solidarity and support. People have offered their similar experiences, they have offered their time and a shoulder to lean on. Some have suggested ways to ease the financial burden and some have even offered money from their own pockets. All of these offerings are received with humility and gratitude and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

The process of having a child through IVF and a gestational carrier is an arduous one. With insurance coverage, the cost can be steep. Without insurance coverage, which is what my husband and I face, the cost can be astronomical. And the financial hardships are just one aspect of it! So to have people taking time out of their lives to offer me help and ideas, eases the burden a bit.

That being said, a good friend of mine has recently signed on as a Younique Consultant, and she has generously offered to host an online party with 15% of the sales donated to our Baby Saint Fund! You can click here to see our party page and shop the products. You can also click here to view the Facebook event page.

Younique is known for the 3D fiber lashes which lengthens lashes by 300%  and is made from all natural ingredients. It is the MUST have product of the season! Younique products are paraben free, carcinogen free, chemical free, organic, cruelty free, gluten free and hypoallergenic...and amazing! I can personally vouch for the 3D lashes and the amazing effect they have, and I am a total lash girl!

Please check out the site and help ease our financial burden, every little bit is a huge help. And you get fabulous makeup to boot!

A dependable support system is absolutely necessary to get through the trials and heartache of infertility and your "road to baby." No one likes to talk about these kinds of things, myself included, but we need to. Infertility is an issue that many women can relate to and it's not something that we should be ashamed of. I thank you all for your kind words, your thoughtful gestures and your continued support.

What's Next?

Well it's been a while since my first blog! It took some time for me to gain the courage to share it with the world, in particular the beautiful people in my personal world, but you guys did not disappoint! Thank you for all your love and support.

So what's next? From what I can understand a lot of doctors appointments, a lot of financial planning and A LOT of emotions, and that's just for staters. We've started with the doctors appointments, the team at Baystates Infertility Clinic has come highly recommended by both friends and doctors and we will hopefully be getting to know them very well. 

To let you know a little bit about our story, my husband and I are capable of having a child who is 100% biologically ours, but I am not capable of carrying that child. We count our blessings that if and when we are ready to find a gestational carrier, that baby will be completely genetically ours. A gestational carrier differs from a traditional surrogate in that she has no genetic relation to the baby, she will be carrying a child who is a little bit of me and a little bit of my husband. What a beautiful possibility, isn't it?

It's an ongoing struggle as a woman to find peace with the fact that you will never bear your own child. I've spent the better part of my life being sad and bitter about it. But now, with the help of my husband and family, and all of you reading this blog, I move towards accepting that fact and focusing instead on getting what we want, which is a family, so I guess that's what's next!

Baby Steps

When I got married four years ago, my husband and I knew we wanted to have a family, that we wanted to be parents. We also knew that it wouldn't be simple and that it wouldn't be easy. There wouldn't be any surprise pregnancies, there wouldn't be any pregnancies. I found out when I was in high school that I would never know the blessing of being pregnant but that never stopped me from dreaming about being a mother. And now that I'm older, as I watch my friends and loved ones expand their families, my heart aches for that same joy. This is something that I rarely, if ever, discuss with anyone so it's surprising, even to me, that I have started a blog to document this adventure of ours. But it's something that is a part of life, something that a lot of women and their husbands can relate to. And it's something that I shouldn't continue to keep hidden away like dirty laundry. My husband and I recently decided to take the first steps (BabySteps you could say 😊) towards growing our family and I'm so excited to share what's to come with all of you. My pain, my joy, my questions and (hopefully!) some answers.